What men and women think after sex?

Many spouses, intending couples and even young adults have asked these questions over and again. ‘I don’t even know what he thinks of me after sex; do you think she believes I am good sexually?’

 The thoughts of men and women after sex are so important to their partners. Spouses want to know the minds of their partners about sex and the knowledge of this goes a long way in framing their overall concept of sex and marriage relationship.

The woman is always conscious of what the husband she had just made love with is thinking. If you are also dying to know what your man thinks after making love to you, you have come to the right place.

The new groom wonders what to tell his bride after having sex with her; should he pay compliments about her prowess in bed? Should he enumerate all the pros and cons of her love making style? Should he just lay still and wait for her to get up and clean up? Or just sleep off with the thinking that after all, he had the right to till his land anytime he likes.

On the average, a high percentage of first timer men love to say or do something but ego, culture and tradition mostly always hold them back. Oddly, a few men get it right here; they do not just get up and clean up or roll to the other side of the bed and snore off. They lay there still, cuddle the lady in their arms and whisper loving and caressing words to her ear. This act does not only help seal the sexual act, the new bride automatically trusts her man unconditionally. This singular act not only prepares her for a stable relationship, it is an assurance that you will be there when she needs you. It is very important for a woman to know that you are going to be faithful to her, be it emotionally, sexually or physically. When there is a situation like this, you will be dealing with less turbulence in the relationship. The groom has to be thoughtful and kind because women love men who are kind and considerate. No matter how uncomfortable, sitting with her and providing as much comfort as possible when she is crying from the pain of sex or drawing close to you for reassurance will make her love you all the more. If you have not realised already, women are unconditional when it comes to nurturing the ones they love. So, it is only fair to return same gesture as this makes her feel respected as well.

 Every guy would like to believe that he is the one to send shivers down his bride’s spine, and that he is just brilliant in bed. He would like to know how the bride liked it. Of course, the bride should answer; she should not keep quiet and say nothing. He wants to hear things like, ‘You are the best,’ ‘I feel I needed more, that was excellent.’ This fires him up; the spark from these statements is what fuels a man’s love in the relationship.

After many years in marriage relationship, men and women still wonder what their spouses are thinking after sex. Man should take note that sex is not only therapeutic; it is medicinal, relaxing and healthy. The man should make sure that he satisfies his wife so that he is not labelled impotent. After sex, men like to lay back in the night and contemplate not exactly about his wife but all other life issues. At this stage, I always advise men to put their wives in the picture. When she is aware that sexual activities with her can help your life’s productivity, she will perform better and stop thinking you do not care when you sleep off immediately after sex. So when you see your wife always loving to cuddle and get cozy with you, understand her thoughts. Make her feel equal sexually. Women want to feel that they are on the same grounds as their spouses when it comes to having access to sexual demands.

 Several surveys have shown that women expect to see a sexy friend in their partners; they fantasise to be with a man who commiserates with their sexual failures and celebrates their sexual successes. This gesture can be enhanced when husband lends a helping hand without being asked and making her feel sexy by his attitude.

To be continued next week.

Questions and Answers

My health is more important to me than sex

I have a sensitive tummy that reacts to virtually everything, even water. I am always seen with my treated bottled water everywhere. But my challenge is my husband: he has an uncircumcised penis and loves blow jobs. With him, it is either a blow job or no sexual activity between us. I do not mind giving him any of his sexual fantasies but my tummy’s sensitivity to the slightest dirt or un-hygienic contact makes me decline. I gave him the option of either he is circumcised or we take blow job out of the scene but he refused both, saying I am denying him of his conjugal duty. Because of this, things have not been rosy between us. Don’t you think I am at risk of infection and that it is a wise idea if he gets circumcised? My health is more important to me than sex.

Mrs Maureen Glorichi

It will shock you to know that majority of men aren’t circumcised worldwide. Approximately,  30 per cent of males aged 15 and above are circumcised, according to a 2007 report from the World Health Organisation and UNAIDS. Rates vary greatly depending on religion and nationality. It is also amazing to know that the foreskin of the penis is home to a diverse community of bacteria. Study has shown that there are close to 42 unique categories of bacteria inhabiting the skin of the penis. The inner fold of the foreskin is a mucous membrane, like the inside of a person’s eyelids. And certain anaerobic bacteria thrive in that environment more than when the skin is dry. This research could help explain why circumcision has been linked to a lower risk of getting HIV. But I think if you cleverly make him see the health benefits of circumcision, he would understand. But if you give him an ultimatum, you may lose him to some other women.  For instance, circumcised men may be less likely to pass sexually transmitted diseases to their partners or to develop penile cancer. But if he refuses, it’s important to keep his penis clean. He should wash the outer side with soap and water. When the area is cleaned and rinsed, replace the foreskin over the head of the penis.

My husband-to-be has undescended testicles

My husband-to-be confided in me that he has undescended testicles three weeks to our wedding. But my family members and friends insist I should call off the wedding as they fear that he may likely not be able to father a child. I am torn between my family and the love we both share. Should I go ahead and we adopt babies as he suggested?

Tito Dotonuma

Actually, the decision is yours to make since you are an adult. But before you make such a decision, I like to make some things clear to you. First, undescended testicle is when one or both testicles of a growing baby do not move into the scrotum during child birth as it should.  As a baby boy grows inside his mother, he develops testicles. Early in his development, his testicles are in his belly. Normally, before he is born, his testicles move down into his scrotum, the sac that hangs below the penis. About 5 out of 100 baby boys are born with an undescended testicle. It is most common in babies who were born before their due date or who were very small at birth. Doctors don’t really know what causes an undescended testicle. This common condition sometimes runs in some families (can be inherited).

Most of the time, the testicle descends on its own by the time the baby is three months old. An undescended testicle doesn’t cause pain or other symptoms. The scrotum may look a little smoother or less developed on one side, or the side without a testicle may look smaller and flatter. You can’t feel the testicle in the scrotum on the side where it hasn’t descended.  I think the mistake of the guy in question is that he didn’t tell you about his medical condition much earlier. He shouldn’t have waited till when you guys have made public your intention to get married. This might be as a result of fear of rejection. Since he suggested adoption, I think it is not a bad idea if you consider his proposal. But if your family members and friends oppose the wedding, I also think you can hold on a little for proper understanding and acceptance. Eighty to 85 percentage of marriages opposed by in-laws most times do not succeed.

Swollen, Stiffing penis

I am 25 years and a single mother of two boys aged 9 and 11. I lost my husband three years ago. My concern is about my two boys: they are behaving quite strange lately. Two weeks ago, one of them insisted he was not going to school because he sometimes experienced ‘hard-ons’ at the wrong place at the wrong time while other boys ridiculed him. Yesterday, on our way from an outing, I could see his penis getting swollen and stiffing and he was frantically covering it up while experiencing some pain and there was nothing I could do about it. Sometimes when they both wake up in the morning, their penises are hard and bulky. What can I do? The other chap is so withdrawn and will lock himself up in his room anytime he has the opportunity to be alone. I suggested seeing a medical doctor but they refused.

Mrs Sikratu Aliha

You are not alone: most parents have found themselves in this situation and most teenagers and young adults experience such awkward moments. The stiffness you notice on his penis or the hard-ons he experienced are called early erections and these early erections are a normal part of growing up. When guys go through puberty, their bodies go through many changes. Their voices begin to change and facial hair, underarm hair and pubic hair start to grow. This is all normal. Also, their penis, testes and scrotal sacks will increase in size. And this could really be an awkward time for both parents and child. These physical changes are coupled with hormonal changes. During puberty, many guys begin to experience frequent sexual desire. This could lead to a difficult time as the erection happens often at inappropriate times. It is perfectly normal for all guys of their age to wake up with an erection. Even during childhood, most guys will experience erections during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. REM sleep refers to an “active” sleep state, in which the heart rate increases, the brain is active and we have dreams. Also during REM sleep, hormones are released and the penis is stimulated by these hormones. Guys may have several erections during the REM sleep cycle. The best thing to do is reassure them to wait until the erection comes down.

My wife wants sex at odd times

I have noticed that the only time my wife usually asks for sex is when she is close to her cycle or when she is menstruating. I do not like sex during menstruation but most times, that seems to be the most available time.